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We start at an early age with pre-school.our goals small,but our hearts happy and satisfied.and as we grow older this changes, obviously.I am not gonna write another long essay about the defects in our education system.no! I,like any other normal teenager am gonna gloat about myself.and its not that I don’t care about the world or the people around me.the thing is, I thrive on things that make me feel good about myself.and I would lie or work really hard to achieve that goal.  I now have this urge to defend myself,because I feel I have portrayed myself as an obnoxious,self-centered person.which I aren’t. but that  is another thing I do.

       Anyway,i have a had a good run in student life.i am happy with it.a few regrets,a few mistakes,many memories,many friends,and some enemies.but throughout all that,i cannot imagine doing something which might have brought me here.i don’t remember doing something ,which deserved a punishment so bad.And the penalty is,i am in a dilemma.i have to choose from happiness to responsibility . I know that sounds very easy.but it is not.one is my happiness and dream.the other is my parents happiness and dream.and i love them.but i give myself priority.so then again u ask,whats the problem?

well,another thing about being a teen.is that u are very unsure of yourself.you have no idea as to what you are doing.and in this state of confusion,we are expected to make decisions.big decisions.which make up our life.and at this delicate phase of our life,where we feel like peter pan at the end  of plank, with hook trying to push us over.when we clearly don’t want to fall into the ocean of adulthood.well,u can’t blame us for that,who would?and at this moment,we turn to our parents to help us,give us a hand.but what do they do?the push hook aside,and throw us off the deck themselves.

and at this point,they want us to choose responsibility, over dreams and happiness.telling us things like,’u will understand later’.if it is sensible I shouldn’t have a problem understanding it right now!

i feel overwhelmed seeing everything is already decided for me! and no im not going to try to fit in a metaphor here.because i cannot imagine anything like this to compare to.

the choice is supposed to to be mine.and may be it is .maybe the ugly truth is that,I have the freedom to choose.but i don’t trust myself and secretly think my parents are right.and so i blame them,resent them.but do what they want me to do.wow!that  truth is ugly!so  am i going to ignore it.like the world ignores everything which is not fair.or doesn’t stand right on the standards set up by the society.

am I going to  face the truth or keep being dishonest to myself,  to feel better?that is another question.a different dilemma.probably another blog.I’ll just have to wait and watch,what i am going to do…..

sabah batul.