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Everytime he turned around,I quickly looked away.Tried to look interested in something else.Other than the topic for the day.It wasn’t my fault though.His brown eyes were telling me a story I desperately wanted to hear.His soft hands holding mine,and I would feel secure.Staring his way all  day long,taking small peeks at his arms strong.But I never really knew him,until one day,fate played a funny game.And we started texting each other.From five p.m that day.And I was not to blame,to think that we are destined to be together.As we spoke for hours and hours long.I felt closer to him.We went along.

I couldn’t help but fall more and more in love with him.He was a great guy.His moral values inspired me to fix my own.He made me a better person.I felt mature and grown.He made me all this!

After we were done speaking.I would read our texts again and again.Trying to interpret what our conversations meant.Was he feeling the same? Or was it one sided? That would be a shame:( I would think of him,when he wasn’t around.See his pictures on  facebook.Look for his friends.Wait for him to text.And when I would hear his voice I would lose my ground.

One day the unfortunate happened.I was reading our texts.And he called me his ‘Friend’.It probably didn’t mean much is what you might think.But I had realised he had ‘Friend zoned’ me for a long time now.It made me crazy.I was heart-broken.I felt disgusted of myself.For degrading myself to stalk a guy like that.And all for nothing?

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The pain was unbearable.But I couldn’t get over him.Still spoke to him.Still wanted to be his friend.Even though one sided,I truly adored him.And my love didn’t win.But I wanted to be his ‘ just a friend ‘.As long as it meant, that i was a part his life.

I felt worse every time I thought of how I disrespected myself.But losing him is unbearable,is the excuse i gave myself.To stay stable.To stay sane.To avoid the awaiting pain.

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After that day,everyday was a war I fought with myself.I liked him,but he didn’t like me back.Staying away from him.Pretending like nothing happened.

When people told me stories of their crushes.They always sounded crazy to me.Falling for the unknown.What’s wrong with she? But I never truly knew what a crush meant,till i had felt it all.The love,the excitement,the rejectment,the stall.Till you accept the truth.

Now I wait everyday to get over him.To be his friend, and nothing else.And hopes slim.But I am sure I’ll get over him for a fresh start.Maybe fall for someone,who would want my heart.And the story of my crush would just be the sweet memories of the past.The memory of the abnormal beat of my heart.But until then,the pain of reject writes a new story everyday,with ink grey.And the story of The Crush continues.The story of his lovely hearts,betray.

-Sabah Batul.

 

 

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