.
Everytime he turned around,I quickly looked away.Tried to look interested in something else.Other than the topic for the day.It wasn’t my fault though.His brown eyes were telling me a story I desperately wanted to hear.His soft hands holding mine,and I would feel secure.Staring his way all day long,taking small peeks at his arms strong.But I never really knew him,until one day,fate played a funny game.And we started texting each other.From five p.m that day.And I was not to blame,to think that we are destined to be together.As we spoke for hours and hours long.I felt closer to him.We went along.
I couldn’t help but fall more and more in love with him.He was a great guy.His moral values inspired me to fix my own.He made me a better person.I felt mature and grown.He made me all this!
After we were done speaking.I would read our texts again and again.Trying to interpret what our conversations meant.Was he feeling the same? Or was it one sided? That would be a shame:( I would think of him,when he wasn’t around.See his pictures on facebook.Look for his friends.Wait for him to text.And when I would hear his voice I would lose my ground.
One day the unfortunate happened.I was reading our texts.And he called me his ‘Friend’.It probably didn’t mean much is what you might think.But I had realised he had ‘Friend zoned’ me for a long time now.It made me crazy.I was heart-broken.I felt disgusted of myself.For degrading myself to stalk a guy like that.And all for nothing?
The pain was unbearable.But I couldn’t get over him.Still spoke to him.Still wanted to be his friend.Even though one sided,I truly adored him.And my love didn’t win.But I wanted to be his ‘ just a friend ‘.As long as it meant, that i was a part his life.
I felt worse every time I thought of how I disrespected myself.But losing him is unbearable,is the excuse i gave myself.To stay stable.To stay sane.To avoid the awaiting pain.
After that day,everyday was a war I fought with myself.I liked him,but he didn’t like me back.Staying away from him.Pretending like nothing happened.
When people told me stories of their crushes.They always sounded crazy to me.Falling for the unknown.What’s wrong with she? But I never truly knew what a crush meant,till i had felt it all.The love,the excitement,the rejectment,the stall.Till you accept the truth.
Now I wait everyday to get over him.To be his friend, and nothing else.And hopes slim.But I am sure I’ll get over him for a fresh start.Maybe fall for someone,who would want my heart.And the story of my crush would just be the sweet memories of the past.The memory of the abnormal beat of my heart.But until then,the pain of reject writes a new story everyday,with ink grey.And the story of The Crush continues.The story of his lovely hearts,betray.
-Sabah Batul.
Shoaib said:
Just crazy (reply to the question on that pic) 🙂
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SabahBatul. said:
Really…u think so? That’s a logical answer….
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Shoaib said:
Yeah. Sorry if I sounded rude but from all of what I read, it was the only answer I could think of. It’s about just being hormonal. Ain’t no love thing :p But the torture of small talk and the fear of attachment a person goes through after something like that is really heartbreaking. Stay strong.
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SabahBatul. said:
It’s alright u didn’t sound rude.And ur right.That’s what i would say too.That’s why I wrote the poem.I was not happy with myself…
Thanks…I am sure ‘ll get over it! 😛
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Shoaib said:
Yeah you will Insha Allah. But it’ll take time. Tbh there’s nothing like ‘getting over’ or ‘letting go’. But yeah give it some time. It’s about diverting your mind. Good luck with that.
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SabahBatul. said:
hahaaa…yes I figured that out.And thanks…:)
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IshmaImroz said:
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! I guess I know this feel! 😛
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SabahBatul. said:
Yes…we all do at some poInt of our lives 😛
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IshmaImroz said:
Hehehe! 😛 YA ya! 😛
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Mon ☠ said:
I wish we could control who we had a crush on. I would start by having a crush on myself for a first.
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SabahBatul. said:
Hahhaa..I wish so too…;)
Good choice,u would never hurt yourself i guess….:)
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clcouch123 said:
If I may say (I guess I will), I don’t think it’s crazy to fall in love. Love itself is kind of crazy, but not falling in. Being disrespectful of yourself, though–that’s not so fine. Maybe sometimes that must happen in the craziness of love (not in falling in love, however, which isn’t crazy). Pain in love, it seems, is inevitable. Even in the relationships that work out, there is pain. Too bad we can’t rewrite the book on that. You know, the book of love. Thank you for writing so directly and raising questions so clearly. Especially when it’s hard.
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SabahBatul. said:
Thank you for ur comment.It felt like people got what I was trying to say..!!
The confusing and scary part for me is, I don’t know if I am in love or its just a crush
Lol…its all confusing and new..Thanks for reading 🙂
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clcouch123 said:
Yes, it’s confusing. And scary. If possible, stay crazy and enjoy the scary. Until it’s time you know you need to know. I’m happy to read–thank you.
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SabahBatul. said:
That’s real good advice..! Thank you 🙂
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Nisthur Anadi said:
Awesome crush !
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SabahBatul. said:
Hahaha..Thanks 😛
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Nisthur Anadi said:
😊
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Beparvah !! said:
I admire her so much that I couldn’t kept that feeling to myself, and instead of being friend zoned, I lost a good friend… I lost my life..
Still waiting for her…. But pls. don’t get into the feeling if being shameful…
Tc
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SabahBatul. said:
Than you..I won’t 🙂
I hop she comes back to u! 🙂
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Beparvah !! said:
I hope too….
Always praying to the almighty for the same !!
Thank you 🙂
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SabahBatul. said:
🙂 🙂
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Beparvah !! said:
Thank you 🙂
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Gastradamus said:
Ugh, friend zoned… Remember the movie :”Just Friends”? That movie ruined so much for guys everywhere! Great posts, it made me smile and remember the good ole days. Please take the time to come read some of our quirky pieces over at Gastradamus whose sole purpose is to make you smile.
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SabahBatul. said:
hahah..yeah it did… :p and will do! 🙂
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