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It surprises me how you can be with everyone you love, and yet feel desolate of presence.

You stand like it’s required,
But who you are, is in siege,
and I don’t know how that happened.
And how panic slowly seeps in, and engorged my anxiety.
I don’t know how I cringe,
And carry on my duties.
I am a coward, who is scared.
Who will never revolt.
Because she never believed in
herself.

I don’t know what my essence is about.
I exist, and I breathe.
I stutter, and I fall.
I am disparaged,  disappointed.
I am turning to null.

I walk. I think.
Who am I?
What do I fear?
Why the perpetual pain.
I don’t know.
I don’t believe in much.
I’m just the girl who is drifting away into oblivion.
Yet, I stand and look for a reason to live.
But I still live without one.
Do you know what I am trying to say?
Yeah, me neither.
Just blabbering.
I don’t know.
Maybe,I am saying,
“Help me.”
Maybe I’m screaming,
“I want to be rescued from obsolete danger.”
I’m squealing in desperation,
“Be my saviour, anyone. Any stranger.”
Because I need it. I need hope.
I need saving.

I am fine though, no worries.

 

-Sabah Batul.

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